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 فقط في سورية
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GUESS WHO WINS- FEMALE / MALE?

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Two Irishmen walk into a pet shop in Dingle. They head to the
bird
section and Gerry says to Paddy, "Dat's dem." The owner comes over
and asks if he can help them.

"Yeah, we'll take four of dem dere little budgies in dat cage up
dere," says Gerry.

The owner puts the budgies in a paper bag. Paddy and Gerry pay for
the birds, leave the shop and get into Gerry's truck to drive to the
top of the Connor Pass.

At the Connor Pass, Gerry looks down at the 1000' foot drop and
says, "Dis looks like a grand place." He takes two birds out of the
bag, puts them on his shoulders and jumps off the cliff.

Paddy watches as Gerry falls all the way to the bottom, killing
himself stone dead. Looking down at the remains of his best pal,
Paddy shakes his head and says,


"Fook dat. Dis budgie jumping is too fook'n dangerous for me!"

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THERE'S MORE...



Moment's later, Seamus arrives up at Connor Pass. He's been to the
pet shop too and walks up to the edge of the cliff carrying another
paper bag in one hand and a shotgun in the other.

"Hi, Paddy. Watch dis," Seamus says.

He takes a parrot from the bag and throws himself over the edge of
the cliff. Paddy watches as half way down, Seamus takes the gun and
shoots the parrot. Seamus continues to plummet down and down until
he hits the bottom and breaks every bone in his body. Paddy shakes
his head
and says,


"And I'm never trying dat parrotshooting either!"

 

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IT IS NOT OVER YET...



Paddy is just getting over the shock of losing two friends when
Sean appears. He's also been to the pet shop and is carrying a paper
bag out of which he pulls a chicken. Sean then hurls himself off the
cliff
and disappears down and down until he hits a rock and breaks his
spine.


Once more Paddy shakes his head.



"Fook dat, lads. First dere was Gerry with his budgie jumping,
den Seamus parrotshooting..... and now Sean and his fook'n
hengliding!"
 

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A couple drove down a country road for several miles, not saying a word. An earlier discussion had led to an argument and neither of them wanted to concede their position.

As they passed a barnyard of mules, goats, and pigs, the husband asked sarcastically, "Relatives of yours?"

Yep," the wife replied, "My-in-laws."

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 A husband read an article to his wife about how many words women use a day... 30,000 to a man's 15,000.

The wife replied, "The reason has to be because we have to repeat everything to men...

The husband then turned to his wife and asked, "What?"

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A man said to his wife one day, "I don't know how you can be so stupid and so beautiful all at the same time."

The wife responded, "Allow me to explain. God made me beautiful so you would be attracted to me; God made me stupid so I would be attracted to you!

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Husband and wife were in the midst of a violent quarrel, and hubby was losing his temper. "Be careful," he said to his wife.

"You will bring out the animal in me."

"So what?" his wife shot back. "Who is afraid of a mouse?"

Amzanig !!!

Aoccdrnig to a rscheearch at Cmabrigde Uinervtisy,

it  deosn't mttaer in waht oredr the ltteers in a wrod are, the olny

iprmoetnt tihng is taht the frist and lsat ltteer be at the rghit pclae.

The rset can be a total mses and you can sitll raed it wouthit porbelm.

Tihs is bcuseae the huamn mnid deos not raed  ervey lteter by istlef,

but the wrod as a wlohe.

amzanig huh?

Globalization

>Check it out...!!!!!!!!!!!

>Globalization!!!!!

>Question: What is the height of globalization?

>Answer: Princess Diana's death

>Question: How come?

>Answer: An English princess with an

>Egyptian boyfriend crashes in a

>French tunnel, driving a

>German car with a

>Dutch engine, driven by a

>Belgian who was high on

>Scottish whiskey, followed closely by

>Italian Paparazzi, on

>Japanese motorcycles, treated by an

>American doctor, using

>Brazilian medicines! And this is sent to you by a

>Indian, using Bill Gates' technology which he stole

>from the Japanese. And you are probably reading this

>on one of the IBM clones that use

>Taiwanese-made chips, and

>Korean made monitors, assembled by

>Bangladeshi workers in a Singapore plant, transported

>by Lorries driven by Indians, hijacked by Pakistani

>and finally sold to you by China men!

>Globalization

> Mr PILLAY is buying a TV and asks "Do you have colour TVs?"

 

> "Sure" says the assistant. Mr Naidoo replies "Give me a green one,please."

 

> -----------------------------------------------------------------------

 

> Mr PILLAY calls Air India. "How long does it take to fly to Delhi?"

 

> "Just a second" says the rep. "Thank you" says Mr Naidoo and hangs up.

 

> ------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

> Mr PILLAY was filling in an application form for a job.

 

> He promptly filled the columns titled NAME, AGE, ADDRESS etc.

 

> Then he came to the column Salary Expected: He was not sure as to what to be filled here. After much thought he wrote "Yes!"

 

> ------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

> Mr PILLAY goes into a store and sees a shiny object. He asks the clerk,

 

> "What is that shiny object?" The clerk replies "That is a thermos."

 

> Mr PILLAY then asks "What does it do?"

 

> The clerk responds "It keeps hot things hot and it keeps cold things cold.

 

> Mr PILLAY says "I'll take it!"

 

> The next day, he walks into Work with his new thermos.

 

> His boss, Mr PILLAY, sees him and asks,

 

> "What is that shiny object you have?"

 

> He said, "It's a thermos."

 

> The boss then says "What does it do?"

 

> He replies "It keeps hot things hot and cold things cold."

 

> The boss said "Wow, what do you have in it?"

 

> Mr PILLAY replies "Two cups of coffee and a coke."

 

> -----------------------------------------------------------------------

 

> Why did 18 of Mr PILLAY 's family members go to a movie?

 

> Because below 18 was not allowed.

 

> ------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

> To lose weight the doctor told Mr PILLAY to run eight kilometers a

 

> Day for 300 days.

 

> After 300 days Mr PILLAY called the doctor to report he had lost

 

> the weight, but he had a problem.

 

> "What's the problem?" asked the doctor.

 

> "I'm 2400 Kms from home."

 

> ------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

> Having lost his donkey Mr PILLAY got down to his knees and

 

> started thanking God. A passer-by saw him and asked "Your donkey is

 

> missing; what are you thanking God for?"

 

> Mr PILLAY replied "I am thanking Him for seeing to it that I wasn't

 

> riding the donkey at that time, otherwise I would have been

 

> missing too!"

 

> ------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

> Mr PILLAY got his 4th child. He fills data in the birth certificate...

 

> Mother: Hindu.

 

> Father: Hindu.

 

> Kid: Chinese.

 

> "How come you write 'Chinese' when both parents are Hindu?"

 

> "Aah" says Mr PILLAY "I read in a newspaper that every 4th person born on the Earth now is Chinese!"

 

> --------------------------------------------------------------------

 

> Mr Naidoo and Mrs PILLAY landed in Bombay. They managed to get

 

> into a double-decker bus. Mr Naidoo somehow managed to get a bottom

 

> but unfortunately Mrs PILLAY got pushed to the top.

 

> After a While when the rush is over, Mr PILLAY went upstairs to see

 

> his wife Mrs PILLAY.

 

>

 

> He met her in a bad condition clutching the seats in front with

 

> both hands, scared to death. He says "What the heck's goin' on? Why

 

> are you so scared? I was enjoying my ride down there?"

 

>

 

> Scared Mrs PILLAY replies "Yeah, but you've got a driver"

 

>

 

> ------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

> Mr PILLAY with two red ears went to his doctor.

 

> The doctor asked him what had happened to his ears and he

 

> answered,"I was ironing a shirt and the phone rang but instead of picking

 

> up the phone I accidentally picked up the iron and stuck it to my ear."

 

> "Oh Dear!" the doctor exclaimed in disbelief.

 

> "But what happened to your other ear?"

 

> "The scoundrel called back!"

 

How To Clean Your Toilet - The Fun Way
Instructions on how to clean your toilet

 

 1. Put both lids of the toilet up and add 1/8 cup of pet shampoo to the water in the bowl.

2. Pick up the cat and soothe him while you carry him towards the bathroom.

3. In one smooth movement, put the cat in the toilet and close both lids. You may need to stand on the lid.

4. The cat will self agitate and make ample suds. Never mind the noises that come from the toilet, the cat is actually enjoying this.

 5. Flush the toilet three or four times. This provides a "power-wash" and rinse".

6. Have someone open the front door of your home. Be sure that there are no people between the bathroom and the front door.

 7. Stand behind the toilet as far as you can, and quickly lift both lids.

8. The cat will rocket out of the toilet, streak through the bathroom, and run outside where he will dry himself off.

9. Both the commode and the cat will be sparkling clean.!

 

 


Sincerely,

 The Dog

Kids in school think quick
 TEACHER    :    Maria, go to the map and find North America.
MARIA         :    Here it is!
TEACHER    :    Correct. Now class, who discovered America?
CLASS          :    Maria!
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TEACHER     :    Why are you late,Frank?
FRANK          :    Because of the sign.
TEACHER     :    What sign?
FRANK          :    The one that says, "School Ahead, Go Slow."
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TEACHER:   John, why are you doing your math multiplication on the floor?
JOHN       :   You told me to do it without using tables!
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TEACHER    :   Glenn, how do you spell "crocodile?"
GLENN         :    K-R-O-K-O-D-A-I-L"
TEACHER    :    No, that's wrong
GLENN         :    Maybe it s wrong, but you asked me how I spell it!
___________________________________________________________
TEACHER    :    Donald, what is the chemical formula for water?
DONALD      :    H I J K L M N O!!
TEACHER    :    What are you talking about?
DONALD      :    Yesterday you said it's H to O!
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TEACHER      : Winnie, name one important thing we have today that we didn't have ten years ago.
WINNIE        :    Me!
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TEACHER    :    Goss, why do you always get so dirty?
GOSS          :    Well, I'm a lot closer to the ground than
you are.
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TEACHER    :    Millie, give me a sentence starting with "I."
MILLIE    :    I is...
TEACHER    :    No, Millie..... Always say, "I am."
MILLIE     :    All right... "I am the ninth letter of the
alphabet."
___________________________________________________________
TEACHER    :    Can anybody give an example of COINCIDENCE?
TINO: Sir, my Mother and Father got married on the same day, same time."
___________________________________________________________
TEACHER: George Washington not only chopped down his father's cherry
tree, but also admitted doing it. Now, Louie, do you know why his father
 didn't punish  him?"
LOUIS    : Because George still had the ax in his hand.
___________________________________________________________
TEACHER      :  Now, Simon, tell me frankly, do you say prayers before eating?
SIMON          :    No sir, I don't have to, my Mom is a good cook.
___________________________________________________________
TEACHER      :  Clyde, your composition on "My Dog" is exactly the same as your brother's. Did you copy his?
CLYDE           :    No, teacher, it's the same dog!;
__________________________________________________________
TEACHER: Harold, what do you call a person who keeps on talking when people are no longer interested?
HAROLD   :     A teacher.
 

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